It has come to the time that I need to start to become an Adult again. Well it has been a month since I have finished my last assignment and closing my University degree which I started 3 years ago. It really hasn’t hit me that I was able to finish it within the 3 years since I set my goal to study. As a major bucket list item, I spent a lot of mental energy in getting it done through the past few years. During my travels I have managed to complete it whilst at the same time living the Uber experience as a driver. I have spent the past few weeks unfocused on many things.
During 2020, I spent a lot of mental energy on focused on the small things and like everyone, just tried to get through every single day as best I could. In reality, this has been my life the past 10 years, so in many ways it has been not much difference in that respect. Every day my energy is spent on getting through another day. For 10 years I have fought so hard to get through every day and build my life from scratch again. Throughout all of this, I have seen my kids grow up to be young men. I am very proud of them and I have a sense of optimism for them, despite everything that has gone on.
Looking back at the back end of the year, the second major lockdown of Melbourne really took it out of me. My last couple of subjects took some doing as I struggled to focus on the assignments and keep up with the required tasks. Somehow I got through it and I will now graduate with a Bachelor of Arts degree in Digital and Social Media from Curtin University. What a mind blast! It still hasn’t hit home yet. Once I attend the ceremony and walk on the stage to get that piece of paper, it will only become real then. It is of course easier for me to get the document delivered to me, but I want the whole Shebang graduation experience. With Co-Vid and all things that are surrounding it there are no defined dates for this to happen soon. There is also the logistical hurdle being in Melbourne and getting to Perth to attend it. I have however registered for my graduation to happen in Singapore as they have a campus there, so this suits me fine. Of course, the date is yet to be confirmed also. I have waited 30 years for this, and I will do it in style.
What some people don’t realise is that my wife actually lives in Singapore, and we have not been together since early March when I surprised her for her birthday with a quick visit. I got back as the world was crashing around us and Australia went into lockdown after the Formula 1 Grand Prix. It sure hasn’t been easy on both of us. I have survived daily by not focusing too much on it for too long and now I have finished my studying, I have had some extra time to reflect on the situation. She has endured so much through the year being isolated from me and her family in Indonesia. I have my kids here so to a certain extent; and this has helped me get through it so far, but I feel guilty for still being here in Australia whist she is there on her own.
There is a constant feeling of fear in my mind and I haven’t quite pinpointed the reason for it. Maybe it is a combination of many things. I am not so much scared for my kids as I am of what lays ahead for me in the future. I have been living through a sense of failure now for nearly a decade now. So much so that surviving each day was no different to any other day since I went through my divorce.
I have had so much to do with my kids and no matter how I look at it, I have had this sense of fear that I have failed them. Every time I dwell on it, it upsets me. I know this is not the case, but my failings are my own and this impacts on my point of view. This Christmas has been a tough one as I am normally with my wife travelling in Australia or elsewhere. I have spent a lot of time just being with myself and trying to chill. I have also been driving more on the roads again as the city has come out of lockdown. This has kept me busy and things are nearly back to normal on that front, but I am finding it more fatiguing than I remembered it to be. My future however does belong in the digital space. My instinct and intuition are that I will continue with this blog and podcast as I move forward. I also have been working on an e-commerce project the past 6 months and am working through the testing and soft launch phase of this. I haven’t spent as much time on this as I should have in recent weeks, but I am guided by my energy levels at the moment. Part of the getting back on the horse is writing this blogpost and getting the momentum back in my goals for the next 12 months.
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So here I am. I still have lots to share and write about, but it is a start. I have some podcast episodes to launch in the coming week or so and I need to get the feelers out on the job market (maybe). The cynical me is thinking about who would want to hire a 51-year-old graduate. I am now at the point where my previous work experience maybe doesn’t get me in the door to similar roles. Having said that, I don’t actually want to do the roles I used to do. It defeats the purpose of doing my degree and forging a career in the digital world. My instincts continue to tell me that this is my path and I need to make sure I continue down it. There is a business side and a creative side of me that is ready to show to the world and it is time to come in from the long run.
Stay tuned world – Live Work Digital
Live Work Digital 